Weird feeling.

Bismillah,

Semalam melihat di facebook, ternampak status sahabat baru dari mesir yang baru kehilangan nenek dia dan tidak lepas itu, kakaknya pula membuat status yang more or less the same. Semoga dijauhi dari neraka.

Anyway, bukan niat aku untuk berbicara tentang nenek mereka. When I think about myself, same things have occured around 5 years ago to me. Nenek aku meniggal dunia dan what makes my case different from their case is that I've never being told about the incident until few days after that. Maybe it's because i in the middle of examination.

It must be sad isn't it for being left out like that?

To my surprise, I didn't feel that way.
I just feel indifferent.
I thought, 'well, it's just another death. It's normal.'

In my defence, I never being closed with her before. We got language barrier and I always being away from home anyway.

Last year, I lost my auntie due to mysterious sickness. Our relationship can be categorized closed eventhough it's not too closed anyway. I always meet her since our house it's not too far and she always there whenever I visited my other grandmother. I thought I can see her for the last time during summer holiday but she couldn't wait for me. She died when I just started spring exam.

When I speak to my father, he tried to console me and he said stuff like dont worry and dont think too much about it. It's normal isn't it?

But it's not needed actually.

I just feel indifferent. Well I do feel sad for her daughter and son but not for her.
It's just another death.

I actually dont understand whether lot of people feels like me or is it only me?
I wonder how will I fell when I lost my parents or one of my siblings?

Will I think it's just another death again?
Is it bad for having this kind of thought anyway?

Or is it I actually do feel sad but I just dont realized it?
Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah